Well, how about that February, huh?
Seems like more than a few of us have had ourselves quite a month. Sometimes, when I’m feeling a little overwhelmed or worn out, I like to go back through my camera roll to see what sense it can give me of a time. Often, it helps me see that my feeling about a time isn’t the whole picture of it. Because I often take photos of what delights me, it can be an exercise in reminding myself of the small moments that don’t (but probably should) carry as much weight as some of the larger ones.
Oh, bollocks!
(I’ve been listening to Tana French audiobooks for a few months now, and there are some Irish words seeping into my thoughts.)
Look at me up there in that last full paragraph, sounding so wise and grounded. Cue the montage of lovely little life vignettes: flowers on the table, a stack of good books, snow sparkling under the rising sun. Oh, I meant every word as each came through my fingers (and I could easily create such a montage), but re-reading them as a whole I could feel my whole being rise up in resistance to such facile positivity–which is probably evidence of how easily inspirational Insta quotes can seep into a person if she’s not careful.
Attaining peace and contentment is not necessarily about finding delight, or about making sure you put every little thing on some balance scale, so that a multitude of small good things somehow mitigate or outweigh a fewer number of heavier bad things.
To wit:
![Box of Valentine sugar cookies.](http://ritaottramstad.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/IMG_7169-scaled.jpg)
![Close-up of the head of an old dog who is lying down, wrapped in a blanket, with tongue lolling.](http://ritaottramstad.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/IMG_7174-scaled.jpg)
![Parking location sign at the Oregon Convention Center](http://ritaottramstad.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/IMG_7176-1-scaled.jpg)
![An off-center photo of a hospital bed, with a call device and a paper plate with saltine crackers.](http://ritaottramstad.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/IMG_7181-scaled.jpg)
![Budding branches coated with a thin layer of ice.](http://ritaottramstad.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/IMG_7196-scaled.jpg)
![Grocery store with long line of people waiting to check out.](http://ritaottramstad.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/IMG_7204-scaled.jpg)
![Willow tree branches encased in heavy ice.](http://ritaottramstad.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/IMG_7209-scaled.jpg)
![Dog resting on human's leg, with travel bags at her feet.](http://ritaottramstad.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/IMG_7234-scaled.jpg)
![Dog resting head on human's lap, which also holds a laptop computer.](http://ritaottramstad.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/IMG_7247-scaled.jpg)
![Mural painted on side of wall with fierce looking wolves, Germanic lettering, some reading: Unity Is Strength](http://ritaottramstad.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/IMG_7253-scaled.jpg)
![Church sign with words "trying to give up the idea that my worth is bound to my productivity"](http://ritaottramstad.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/CFD5EE82-AF32-4C67-9AB4-89D1BEC878AA-1024x1024.jpg)
![Crowded garage with man on a ladder looking pensively out the window](http://ritaottramstad.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/IMG_7267-scaled.jpg)
![Stack of children's books with severely frayed/damaged covers](http://ritaottramstad.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/IMG_7279-scaled.jpg)
![Power lineman working to restore power](http://ritaottramstad.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/IMG_7281-scaled.jpg)
![Bedroom strewn with clothing and other items.](http://ritaottramstad.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/IMG_7296-scaled.jpg)
As I chose these images (no more than one for any day) and wrote my captions, I couldn’t help thinking of those optical illusions where what you see is presumed to be some kind of test of your mindset:
Was my month full of absence, disease, displacement, disruption, broken systems, and uncertainty? Or was it full of family, community, safety nets, solutions, possibility, and love?
Yes.
What’s helped me get through this challenging month (season, year) is rejecting singular narratives–which means resisting not just one-sided, all-or-nothing ideas about our lives as a whole, but also about any discrete parts of our lives. The glass of any experience is neither half-full nor half-empty; it is always both empty and full. In every single image from my month are aspects of abundance and deprivation, sorrow and joy, hope and fear. All of those, all together, in every one.
The longer I live, the more it seems to me that the best way to fully feel the good things is to fully acknowledge the hard within them. To see and own and maybe even embrace the mess that is always part of the beautiful in our lives.
Sure and it’s grand, innit?
![View of snow-covered driveway through a bedroom window. Trees covered with ice and icicles hanging from roof.](http://ritaottramstad.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/IMG_7225-2-scaled.jpg)
PS–Just for funsies: https://youtu.be/_50-gOeBilc
But also this, which is even better: https://youtu.be/YfmNsesuw0w