10 thoughts on “Wednesday Words 10/28/15

  1. Marian says:

    I’m interpreting this to mean we will do nearly anything for our children, that we will place them first above others, even when it comes at the cost of other relationships. There isn’t any bond that’s stronger, or more acutely felt by us, as parents, is there? I do think that this can sometimes be a dangerous thing, though, if it means the parent is consumed in the process. I’ve been watching just such a scenario (from afar) with my father and his wife and her adult son. It’s a heart-wrenching situation they’re in, and yet I can see, and completely empathize with, my step-mother’s position, and it is exactly “the child is a continent I cannot cross to reach you.”
    Marian recently posted…If Meal-Planning Were a Subject, I Would Get a D-MinusMy Profile

    • Rita says:

      No, there isn’t any bond that’s stronger. Yes, I do think it’s dangerous. It is, at the least, fraught with difficulty, for sure.

      I thought quite a bit about including more of the poem, but reading your response I’m glad I didn’t. The speaker in the poem is actually not the parent; it is the parent’s partner. I never considered what this line might mean if spoken by a parent, but in your comment I see the truth in that perspective, too. (I am in the unfortunate position of knowing both sides of this particular equation, one that seems unable to be balanced.) The impetus of this maybe-series is just to get out the ear worms playing on relentless repeat in my head, in hopes they will depart. Guess I should be glad they are poetry lately instead of some inane song lyrics (though I get those, too).

      I’m sorry to hear about your father. We like to think that by the time our children are adults the load will lighten, but I’m beginning to suspect it just shifts.

      • Marian says:

        Ah yes, I can now see the line as spoken by the partner as well. I think when the situation is spoken of by the partner, it’s possible that it could be with a dispassionate/detached/objective voice, but when the line is spoken by the parent, it would be nearly or completely impossible to achieve any of that, which of course could lead to an impasse. That’s certainly the case with my father and his wife. Theirs is kind of the worst case scenario, but I think you’re absolutely right: in all likelihood, and even when things go well, and as they’re “supposed to”, the load merely shifts as our children become adults..

        You had said something (almost in an aside) in a comment on another blog that made me fear something more than “just” Siberia was going on in your life, and now, with this poetry selection, and with your response to my comment, I can see I was right to worry 🙁 . Sending you an internet hug, Rita, and my hopes that somehow you can figure out some way to balance the equation.
        Marian recently posted…If Meal-Planning Were a Subject, I Would Get a D-MinusMy Profile

  2. Kate says:

    It’s a hard place to be though I see it as the child. I remember so many arguments between my stepdad and mom about parenting. As a child, I remember being so angry when my mom didn’t choose me. I remember her saying when I asked her why she wouldn’t, “You will grow up and leave me, but he is here for the rest of my life.” And it hurt like hell. But as a parent now and as a wife, I’m realizing how right she was…

    This parenting gig is so hard and the love for our children is so protective and so deep. It can make things very hard when other relationships have conflicting needs.

    I’m thinking of you. XOXO.

    • Rita says:

      Yes, it is a hard gig. It is hard when there are conflicting needs–not just between an adult and a child, but between different children, and there is no way to meet the needs (much less wants) of all. I’m sorry you had those experiences as a child. I can’t really imagine what that would have felt like. I am not sure that’s the reason to choose a partner over a child. At least, I don’t think it is one that would work for me. It is a reality, though, I know. And I know the dilemma is one that can exist between two parents who gave birth to the child together. It doesn’t have to be a step situation. All goes back to one of my mantras: The bigger the love, the bigger the pain. So, great pain is a signifier of great love. And great love is one of the things that makes life worth living.

      • Kate says:

        You are absolutely right. Families are messy and hard, but also filled with a whole lot of love. It kind of boggles my mind at times the strength of our love and bonds.
        Kate recently posted…SnowMy Profile

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